Honest Cat:
A man hated his wife's cat and he decided to get rid of it.
He drove 20 blocks away from home and dropped the cat there.
The cat was already walking up the driveway when he approached
his home. The next day, he decided to drop the cat 40 blocks away
and the same thing happened. He kept on increasing the number
of blocks but the cat kept coming home before him.
At last he decided to drive a 150 miles away, turn right then left,
past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until
he reached an area he'd never seen before and dropped the cat there..
Hours later, the man calls his wife at home and asked her,
"Jenny, is the cat there?" "Yes, why do you ask?" answered the wife.
Frustrated, the man said, "Put that damn cat on the phone, I'm lost
and I need directions back home!!
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Heroic behavior:
After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved
another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the
hospital director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office.
"Mr. Haroldson, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that
you're ready to go home. I'm only sorry that the man you saved later
killed himself with a rope around the neck."
"Oh, he didn't kill himself," Mr.Haroldson replied,"I hung him up to dry."
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Three Friends:
Once upon a time, there were three friends who have decided to take a
short break from a long discussion. They agreed to row a boat to the middle
of a lakeand have an afternoon tea.
The three friends rented a boat and rowed to the middle of the lake. As they
sat down to enjoy their tea, they realized that they had forgotten to bring the
teapot. "I'll get the teapot," said the first friend, voluntarily. He stood up, put
one leg over the side of the boat, and began to walk on the water to the
shore and back to the boat with the teapot.
As they boiled the water, the realized that they had forgotten the tea leaves,
too. They laughed at each other, and the second friend volunteered to take
get the tea-leaves. He put one leg over the side of the boat and walked on
water. He returned shortly after getting the tea leaves by walking on water,
too.
The three friends soon enjoy their afternoon tea on the boat, but it would be
nicerif they had some tidbits. The third friend volunteered to get some tidbits
from the shop rows by the shore, though he was somewhat reluctant to do so.
He insisted so anyway.
He stood up like the other friends and put one leg over the side of the boat.
He began to put his weight on his leg and... SPLASH! He sank and struggled
to keep himself afloat. Seeing that he was drowning, the other two friends
jumped in to rescue him.
As the third friend climbed into boat for safety, soaking wet, he asked, "How
did you two manage to walk on water?" The two friends looked at each other
and said, "Oh, that's because we know where the rocks are."
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Shipment of Mother-In-Law
A man, his wife, and his mother-in-law went on vacation to the Holy Land.
While they were there, the mother-in-law passed away.
The undertaker told them, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000,
or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150.00."
The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped
home.
The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your
mother-in-law home, when it would be wonderful to have her buried here
and spend only $150.00?"
The man replied, "A man died here 2,000 years ago, was buried here,
and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."
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A Rich Beggar:
Due to red signal I was just sitting in the car on a Stop point of Zebra-
Crossing, suddenly a beggar came with his extended hand for help
and I gave him $2, while in return immediately he pulled out $200
from his pocket and forwarded towards me by saying..."keep it,
it's OK, we can help each other too"...
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Mental Institution:
In Ireland there is a mental institution that every year picks two of it's most
reformed patients and questions them. If they get the questions right they
are free to leave. This year the two lucky patients were Patty and Mike.
They were called down to the office and left there by the orderly. They were
told to wait as the doctor got their files. The doctor came out and motioned
for Patty to come in for her questioning.
When Patty came into the office, she was instructed to sit in the seat across
from the doctor. "Patty, you know the tradition of this institution so I imagine
you know why you are here. You will be asked two questions, and if you get
them right, you will be free to go. Do you understand all that you have been
told?" said the doctor with a rather sly grin. Patty nodded, and the doctor
began to question her.
The first question was this: "Patty, if I was to poke out one of your eyes,
what would happen?" "I would be half blind of course," Patty answered
without much thought. "What would happen if I poked out the other eye?"
"I would be completely blind," said Patty knowing that she had just gotten
her freedom. The doctor then sent her outside while he drew up the
paperwork and accessed Mike's files.
When Patty got into the waiting room however, she told Mike what the
questions would be and what the correct answers were. The doctor calls
in Mike and he followed the same procedure that he had with Patty.
"Mike, the first question is what would happen if I cut off your ear?"
"I would be blind in one eye," he said remembering what he had been told.
This received a perplexed look from the doctor but he just simply asks the
other question so that he could figure out what the man was thinking.
"Mike, what would happen if I cut off your other ear?" "I would be completely
blind," he answered with a smile as if he knew he had passed.
But then the doctor asked him what his reasoning was, and he said flatly,
"Me hat would fall down over me eyes."
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Tranquilizer
The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist,
"You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest
you take tranquilizers regularly."
On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers
calmed you down?"
"Yes," the boy's mother answered.
"And how is your son now?" the psychiatrist asked.
"Who cares?" the mother replied.
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